Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Zerophilia: Identity Crisis

 Walking home I was thinking Jax is not a good name for a girl. I gotta think of a good name for my female half. But I may need to go deeper than that. what if I get in trouble or need proof of this semi non-existant person is real. More than a tangible persona, real iteration of my femininity. Okay first things first, I need a name. A good one too, not some lame everyday name or some storybook name. Sigh, no fuckin ghetto ass names either.

 "Hey baby, what'cho name is?" Asked by some wangster.
 Too fuckin soon, I thought. "Uh, why?" I said as I thought up a name.
 "What'cho name is, lil Ma?" He asked once again."My names Drake."
 "Jasmin." Since nothing else comes to mind.
 "Well, what'chu about, Jasmin? What we gon't do herrr?" Drake thugingly asked.
 Good thing I'm a guy. I know he wants pussy. I know I'm sexy. I know I can't do this. "Baby, you want pussy. I know yo ggame and, well you can't play." I said walking off.
 "Lil Ma, Jasmin! It ain't even like that. I promise." Drake tried to explain with a convincing lie. "Look, I ain't like these other dudes. Ah get money, we can go places, eat, I'll treat you like a queen. My queen."
 For some reason I kept believing his lil fourteen year old promises. Likw, I knew he was full of it but part of me was smittin, fallin for his shit and was hoping it was true and wanted to see.

 "Sorry, I can't do it." I said after I noticed his pants hanging around his hips(Funny thing is I'm wearing the same pants, only black It's not my wide hips holding them up either- it's a belt). As I shoutted to walk away he grabbed my hand and pulled me close. "Oh no." I said.
 "We abouta do somim." He said grabbing up my shirt, squeezing my tits. "Mmm, an a fine ass. Yeah lets go to my room real quick." He said pushing me towards his house.
 Thats right, I'm a girl. I'm weaker than him, can't get aweay as he drags me towards his house. I scream and he let's go of my arms. But only to cover my mouth, slap my ass really hard and pull me by my hair.
 "Hmmmm!!" My muffled scream went.
 "Shut up bitch." Drake growls.
 I've never been so scared. As he pulls me up the steps and opens the door I figure I gotta man up. I reach around and scratch his face. He let's go. I kick hime square in the jaw.
 "Aaaaoow!" Screaming like a bitch.
 "Thats what the fuck you get, stupid ghetto nigga!" I yell as I run off. Yep, I gotta find Dr. Mofedi tomorrow.

 On my way home I'm getting looks like I'm Jenny from the block. You know what? Screw Jasmin. I'm gonna call my self Kiiva. Maybe Doc Mofedi has an answer for thaat too. I'll find you my wizard of Oz. Gotta man up once more. Not like earlier. I gotta sneek in the back and get my bag so I can throw on my boyish charm. Kinda sad my mama's so dense she doesn't realize she has the daughter she always wanted. Sigh, up goes my flowing locks. I hate this. I've pretty much come to terms with being a chick, I hate fuckin hiding it. I sit here at home all disguised just in case my mama or her boyfriend come strolling in. Or I gotta leave my room. Let's see if this slow ass computer will let me search.  Doc-tore Mo-Fee-dee. Let's see, page two... Child Phychiatrist. "Are you fuckin serious?" I guess I was his ticket to some fame. His lil bio reads his big break was his invilvment with a very serious intersex/hermaphrodite child.( I guess thats me) although little was known it was enough for him to prove his genius. Well we'll see what he knows and remembers tommorow...

 Todays the day I go see this guy. He has a new office in the hospital district. I never noticed how many looks women get. Probably cause I was the one looking, heh. This has been fun but I need to know when I will be a boy again. Atleast I've gotten used to tampons. I was thinking about actually posting an ad on Craigslist to see  if someone would buy me some clothes. Depends on whats goin on with me. Damn pervs keep checkin me out. Never seen jailbaite so sexy. Why does everything happen to me? I've got a  buncha questions he'd better be able to answer.

 "Hello, how may I help you?" Asked the woman behind the window.
 "First who does your hair(did I really ask that?) and I need to see Dr. Mofedi, it's urgent." I say,
 "Dr. Mofedi's busy right now-" She said as I interrupted.
 "I can wait for-no, I will not do that. Sorry, like I was saying. I ca- dammit she doesn't want to rub tits with us. I don't care, I'm not getting her in trouble for something- No I'm not." I continued.
 "Are you okay?" She asked confused, looking for a bluetooth.
 "It's the voices, we're having a bit of a spat. We are too young and I am too straight for that!" I ramble on.
 "Oh you poor little girl. Look go on in there. Just go straight to his office, he's in there." She said all concerned and worried about me.
"Thank you so much. They keep persisting if we could make out or atleasty see your tits. They will not let it go. I'm not telling you to, I figure I could try and ignore them bitching about the whole thing." I go on.
 "Here, they can see my boobs, but thats it. Aslong as they promise to be quiet." She sez as she lifts her shirt and bra. Boy she had some nice, yummy milk sacks. I probably coulda touched them and got away with it. Now I will be hearing voices.

 I walk to his office and sit down. as he glances up from a sip of coffee. I guess he's some Indian guy, like durka-durka not feather.
 "How may I help you today young lady?" He asked like a caring boss.
 This is gonna be good: "Hello, Dr. Mofedi. My names Jax."
 Aah, so funny! Hi-larry-ass, his face just dropped. like I showed up nude or something. I could feel his fear and confusion. He's just staring at me. I know he remembers me. How many people do you know named Jax, how many "girls" named Jax? Try harder to gain that composure, doc.
 "What are you doing here and are you taking your meds?" Dr. Mofedi asked me like I was crazy.
 "NO! Sorry, fuck no. That shit messed me up. I don't know what it was doin but I felt fine so I stopped and then this happened. I'm a thirteen year old girl goin through puberty. I need answers." I said, pissed.
 "Look, you were born with the inane ability to swap sexes. I couldn't figure it out. When you were born and you'd switch, your mother didn't know what to do. Those who did know were sworn to secrecy and hopefuly even you wouldn't know." He explained with utmost seriousness.
 "Well, I know now. Kinda. This is hard for me to deal with. I feel like I've lost touch with my boy side."I explained.
 "Yes. If it weren't for the meds, this wouldn't have been no problem. You would've had a combined puberty aswell as total control. What your body is doing is rebooting itself. You've got a week of this, so be careful." He went on.
 "What am I? I feel like I'm doin something I shouldn't by hiding myslef and all this confusion. I'm proud to be a girl but I feel ashamed eveytime I gotta hide it." I tell him.
 "You have what we call Zerophilia. It's sort of a chemical imbalance with your testosterone and estrogen levels and DNA damage. From WhatI know it's not fatal, and your perfectly okay with it like being albino. You can well, will be able to completly change or partly change yourself from male to female. I'm not the only person who has studied and dealth with people with this dissorder. There are estimated about five percent of the world to have Zerophilia. Of all the people who are born intersexed or hermaphrodite, which we suspect is the basis and Zerophilia are some how related." He lectured as he ended himself with another sip of coffee.
 "This sucks for me cause my mama doesn't know I found out." I said depressingly.
 "Look, it won't be easy. Hopefully you will find somebody who can help you out with it. I remember your mothers actions very well. Please do not let her find out." He explained.
 "Don't worry. So how about my identity? I'll need some sorta proof." I asked.
 "All you need to do is get another ID made. People like you and not just zerophiliacs get special treetment in that department. YOur birth certificate has you listed as male and female. THe government is aware of this. This will probably be the easiest part of your venture. All you need to do is get another copy of your Social Sercurity card with you own social sercurity number that you already have and your female name. THe social security office will have you on file as a zerophiliac and will understand. Your pretty much all set in that area." He said with a smile and a tone of hope in his voice.

Thank you, Wizard

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