Saturday, January 29, 2011


 So if you don't know I am bisexual. I feel my bisexuality goes a lil deeper than most though. I'll get into that as this goes along though. What makes me bisexual and why I often feel the way I feel. I believe I was in high school when I found out I was bisexual. I came out in MSN's LGYouth Chat chatroom back in the early 2000's. Those where the good old days. I could spend hours in that chatroom and the Louisville1 or 2 chatroom . I've thought about my past and sometimes I'd have an epiphany. Like one day I got that weird ass feeling I used to get as a kid like an orgasm type feeling, it's hard to explain. It might have been a feeling I got when I was attracted to someone, can't remember. There was other encounters and experiments. Like when I first discovered internet porn and started to get attracted to shemales. I guess my staying in the closet and being bisexual has kept me from being gay bashed- funny thing is and I don't know if I'd consider this gay bashing or not but in middle school I was made fun of for hanging out with this geeky like dude. I hadn't any friends(different story) till I started hanging out with him. Now that I have a friend I'm a fag all of a sudden?

 Anywho, I gave it a lot of thought when I came out to myself. If  I could even live with myself, not in a ashamed way, more like am I being true to myself. I honestly never considered myself gay or bi because I like transexuals. I wanted to make sure the feelings I were having was real. I started to think about shit thats happened to me or I've done. As time passed on and I had my first girlfriend her name was Korina, I remember her saying she wouldn't date anybody bisexual, so I never told her. The sex was pretty decent, I wish I knew then what I knew now. I never told my next girlfriend, Patrica(a friend of Korina) either. That relationship was ended because my next girlfriend, Mary, who was a friend of her's told me what she was doing. I told her and she was fine with it, she was also white. I had a boyfriend in high school but I don't think I was ready for a boy friend, so it didn't work out. Of course I never told my family, I don't need that shit. Somehow though my sister Penny found out and this was before me and my nephew Dre got in to that argument where he brought up Texas, the first transexual I ever met.

 I feel like I'm starting to go off on a related but completely different tangent. So I remember when I was a kid I would put on my mama's pads. I tried her bra on once. this was way before high school. But in high school with g/f #3 I tried on her underwear and they fit. I was pleased with myself . So I started having these female tendancies, kinda. I cross my legs sometimes when I sit, I often "switch" when I walk. Often I will be standing a feminine akimbo. There's also an attraction to straight guys more so than gay ones. Then I remember one night I was with my current fiance who was a girlfriend at the time when we over her sisters watching some special on kids who think they are born in the wrong body. I don't feel that way but often wish I was a girl. One of her sisters is gay and the other bi, so I kinda fit right in. I believe there's a feminine side in me, I don't show it much- at all. I seem to be one of the most macho guys you'd ever meet. Of course being bi and not gay, I'm not one to be flaming anyway. I had this dream once(might have posted it here) where I was a girl and I was in this apartment with some friends an we was playing a game. I flashed them my ass and the guys started chasing me around this apartment pulling at my clothes to come off. I remember I was 5'7, pretty thick like Raven-Simon or Kyla Pratt but with DD's. Middle back length hair, and a nice fat ass. I've never had a related dream since. I had drawn some pictures of me as a girl. It seemed like a night time epiphany.

  I figure what makes me bisexual is a imbalance of testosterone and estrogen. I may have a tad more estrogen in my body than most guys, even gay guys. To keep it simple there's a woman inside this man. I'm not in the best of shape, so I have like a-cup moobs. I want to get in shape but on the same note I wish I could start taking hormones. I'm sure I wouldn't be as hot as I was in my dream. but if I could change at will I would. Part of the reason I love the movie Zerophilia and wrote the story. Sometimes when having sex with a transexual I'd fall into the feminine role when bottoming. I guess I'm mentally intersexed or something? I actually never thought about cross dressing(I mean like going furthur than a womans under wears) till about a few months ago. I guess thats all there is to it. Or atleast all here can be for you innerwebz strangers without  Q/A.

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