Saturday, April 21, 2012

Zerophilia: Out

I rushed home asap. I don't even remember if I turned off the moped. It's hazy how I even got back. I could barely see straight. Everything was in fast forward. I stumbled to my bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. Everything comes to focus and my left eye is now grey. My temple is banging and I have these huge tits sticking out. My head hurts so bad I can't fix it. The only thing going through my head is I'm broken. I got hit in the head and lost control. I was afraid that even if I tried to make them go away, either it wouldn't work or it'd get worse. My head is killing me, I need to sit down. How the fuck can a guitar be that hard? They say not to go to sleep after being hit in the head, I don't wanna die, but I'm so tired. I felt like I pedaled the damn moped home. I grab my phone and call Nikki.

"Hey, Jax. How you doin?" Nikki answered.

"I don't know. This place was having a goth night and I was there with these people I met at the mall and then there was this fight and..." I started as I noticed my voice was not mine, but Kiva's.

"Whoa. Slow down girl, talk to me with real sentences." Nikki replied.

"Sorry. I'm still fucked up right now. I'm not Kiva, all the way anyway. A fight broke out at this goth thing and I was beaned with a Stratocaster to the temple and now my left eye is grey. My voice changed and my tits popped out. The people I was with saw it. I couldn't even think how I could get out of it." I said, upstairs looking for some sort of aspirin.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't see anyway of passing that off, sweetie. Wait, you went as Jax and got hit with a guitar? Then your eye changed. I'm lost." Nikki exclaimed.

"I think I got knocked out because I woke up propped against the wall outside. No telling how many people saw. I didn't even get to get a good fight in. I think I got broken and I'm scared. So, I left as quick as I can, don't know how I made it home, and I'm sleepy." I explained.

"Don't go to sleep, please. Stay awake. You might wanna stay awake for a good while, knowing your condition. It fucked up your thing." Nikki said.

"Stay on the phone, with me." I told her.

"I miss you baby. I think about you and worry about you. I'm afraid for you. I still think about what you said. I could look past you being a zerophiliac and to be my girl again, I'm not the selfish. I want Kiva and Jax comes with it. It makes me uneasy because even as a girl you're a guy. One day I won't give a fuck but I don't expect you to wait for me." Nikki explained.

"Hey, guess who I was hanging with? Julie Rush the pocket bike racer." Jax mentioned.

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" Nikki asked.

"Yeah, it just popped in my head. There's no way we could wait for each other. We'd need to be fated lovers. I'm still in love with you and I want you back." I told her.

"I can see why you're scared. You live your life like you do but there's still the fear. The fear with us, and being outed. I can understand that it's not like if everybody found out you were bi, much worse. I'm not mad at you and haven't been mad. I get it. I can't be mad. I'm sorry for being mad." Nikki explained.

We talked for I don't know how long before she had to get off. It's like she has it so easy. Her parents accept her and being a lesbian ain't really a physical thing. I'm staring at the tv and I get a phone call from Julie.
"Jax. I'm sorry about what happened tonight. You were out for a while. We had to drag you out." Julie stated.

"I'm confused about tonight." I said.

"Did you make it home okay?" Julie asked.

"I don't know. Everything from starting the thing to making my way to the bathroom was a fucking blur. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep." I said.

"So, there's not much about tonight that you could tell me?" Julie asked.

"No. Well I have a fucking headache." I said.

"I can understand about your eye. Sometimes a blow to the head can change eye color. But your voice sounds like a girl. Why" Julie berated.

"Uhh..." I stalled.

"There was a girl running around in the same thing you were wearing." Julie mentioned.

"Wow." I said.

"Jax, talk to me. Tell me what happened to you. I can probably help. It's okay." Julie assured.

"How could you help?" I asked.

"Okay, here's a secret. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Jax, I'm a zerophiliac. You are too, aren't you?" Julie demanded.

"You seen my chest right?" I asked.

"Yep. And your voice is still girly." Julie added.

"Yeah, I am. Now what happens?" I wondered.

"I'm going to help you. Once your headache goes away, you can put yourself where you want. Personally, I don't switch much." Julie said. "How long have you been awake?"

"Since for a long time. I'm afraid to go to sleep and I thought I was broken." I said.

"You'll be okay. You're not broken. Your head controls it, you just sorta short circuited, I guess. It's like going on four a.m. Get some sleep and call me when you wake up." Julie said.

"Okay. I'm so fuckin tired." I yawned.

"Well, got to sleep." Julie said.

"Julie, do you like me?" I asked.

"Ha. You looked like you needed a friend. I think we could be close friends now that I know you're a zerophiliac. Maybe we'll see what happens. Good night, Jax." Julie said.

"Wait! Did anybody see me?" Jax asked.

"No, we covered you with our jackets before we got you out. How about we hang out tomorrow, then we can talk. I'm tired, I was waiting for you to call." Julie said.

"Okay. Sounds good to me." I agreed.

"Good night, friend." Julie said hanging up.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Kiva's tits. My body. My head still hurting I managed to get ready for bed and hope that she was right. I've had a hard enough time these past few days. I turned on the radio and a fan on high and went to sleep.

I woke up feeling much better. My eye was still gray, but who cares. It doesn't bother me. I'll just wear sunglasses. I throw my chonglers back on and a hoodie, plus the boots from last night. I put my tits up and go upstairs to eat. I call Julie to see what she's doin.

"Hey, Julie; you awake yet?" I asked her.

"Jax! How you doin guy?!" Julie yelled.

"Fuckin happy goth." I said.

"What happened to your head." Follie asked.

"What? Oh that, I got hit with a guitar at the party last night when a fight broke out." I said tipping my sunglasses. "Made my eye gray."

"That your mom?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, that’s her." I said. "Yeah, but I'm good now. No different than being kicked in the head at kappawea class."

"Who is that?" Follie asked.

"This chick I met at the mall the other day. She helped me last night at the party. She's cool." I said.

"Well, you sure you're okay? Let me see it." Follie said.

Julie is laughing on the other end.

"Not funny, Julie. So not funny." I said.

"I'm sorry. Listening to you two is kinda funny." Julie laughed.

"So who's this girl?" Follie asked.

"She's a local celebrity. Renown for her pocket bike racing, she's Julie Rush." I told her. "Hey Julie, I'm gonna race you when I get my moped fixed up. I almost got all the parts for it."

"Sure thing man, I'd love to whip your butt at the track." Julie exclaimed.

"You sure you're okay?" Follie asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." I said.

"You need to go to the hospital," Follie exclaimed.

"I'm good, I took asprin!" Jax shouted.

"Hahaha, you wanna come over my house?" Julie asked.

"If you stop laughing...," Jax said annoyed.

"Boy, you could have brain damage." Follie said.

"Mamma, I'm fine," Jax insisted. "Yes, I'll come over. Where do you live?"

"I live in Oakburg. I'll text you the way." Julie said.

"Why are you goin over there, you don't know her." Follie stated.

"She's cool!," hollered Jax. "Stop laughing at me."

He made his way to the south end of Velocity and turned on Filmore. Looking for her yellow house. When he pulled up, she was hiding on the other side of the cars, smoking. She butted it, stuck it back and stood.

"Hey, welcome to the headquarters, she greeted. "Pull that thing back here."

"I found a set of mountain bike handlebars to put on it." Jax said gleefully.

"C'mon in, my dad is here." Julie said.

"Well, is this the guy who took a guitar to the head?" David asked as they walked in the kitchen.

"Yeah, he took it like a champ though," said Julie.

"So you're Jax? Man, this town is full of weird names. I'm David Rush, my ol lady is Tanya."

"I was stoked to meet her in the mall that day. A celebrity for real." Jax exclaimed.

"Ah, I wouldn't say celebrity. I'd be happy if we made it to the quarter finals. So, my man, I heard your ride, what'cha riding?" David asked.

"It's a moped. A TFR Momentum," I answered.

"I may need to dig around, but I think I have some moped parts. Either way, I'd like to check it out." David proposed.

"Dad, we're gonna go upstairs to talk," said Julie.

"Talk don't mean kiss and play does it?" David asked.

"Dad." Julie whined.

"Jax, I got my eye on you kid." David said.

"No sir, I wouldn't do that. I just got dumped not to long ago and..." Jax started.

"Calm down son," David laughed. "You seem like a good kid, from what I hear."

"My dad can be a jokester, I hope he didn't scare you," said Julie going upstairs.

"Only a little bit." Jax said.

So, this is my room," She said shutting the door. "My bed, my posters, my stuff and my bathroom."

She had a single queen sized canopy bed in the corner of her room. It had black shear curtains draped on it, looks like something her dad made. A small bench was at the foot of the bed. A computer desk sat at the opposing corner. Her television stand held a forty inch LED TV. and had a few DVD's littering the front of it. There was a small bookshelf by her window, it had a few bools of poetry and novels on it and a skull. There were some posters for bands of death metal, goth rock, and the like. One was a signed poster of Marilyn Manson. There was also a chair(with clothes in it) and an ottoman in the other corner.

"My dad took the second bedroom up here and made me a bathroom and bigger closet That awesome or what, she said sitting a box fan in the window.

"So, did your parents ever put you on medication for it too? I asked.

"Nope. My dad figured no one would even notice until they changed my diaper more than once. The only thing they did was keep me out of daycare." Julie explained.

"I was on medication till a few weeks ago. I stopped taking it because it fucked with me. I found out from my sister that I was on the news and everything when I started to change. They used me to make a medicine that blocked it," I explained.

"Dude, that's harsh. We can smoke now, she said taking the one from earlier out the pack.

"It gets worse. I talked to the doctor that 'discovered' me and the 'cure', only to find out I was going through another puberty. Cause that night after I stopped taking it, I changed. It hurt like a mother fucker, and I was stuck that way for almost two weeks. I got a girlfriend who was a lesbian and we dated for a short while, fell in love and last time we where having sex, my dick came out. My puberty was over. She freaked out, dumped me, and all that is only the best parts," I told her.

"Dude I'm so sorry. I saw the movie when I was nine and was afraid to have sex, ever,because I thought that would happen." Julie said.

"There's been so much going wrong with my life, for me to have been making it better, I said.

"I'm usually happy being a girl, I rarely ever even change." Julie stated.

"I learned to enjoy it." Jax said.

"Can I see her?" Julie asked.

Should I get naked...or...” Jax wondered.

No, silly. Just change. I mean, you met James already.” Julie said.

Oh. Okay. Here it goes...I hope.” Jax said changing to Kiva.

Wow, you're beautiful. I mean, I saw you last night, but it was pretty dark in there. I can see why those guys were hitting on you. I mean, wow,” exclaimed Julie. “What is your name?”

Thanks, I've never had someone tell me that before. Not even my ex. That gives me a totally different feeling than being told how sexy I am or whatever. I like that. I like that I was called beautiful with sincerity. It's Kiva.” Kiva said.

Yeah, it' are gorgeous. It's not something as a guy you could feel. It's hard to put it.” Julie said.

I get it, don't worry. It makes me feel good to hear that. I've heard many things from many people, but I gotta stop before I cry.” Kiva said.

Hey, it's okay. We're girls here.” Julie spoke.

I'm sorry. My life hasn't been very much enjoyable. I haven't really been happy with it so far.” Kiva said.

Talk to me. I thought I was the only one in the city. I want to help, talk. I promise, nothing leaves this room.” Julie claimed.

“So far the only good thing that's happened is my mama let me move to the basement and its tricked out with sound proofing.” Kiva started.

But why is your life in so much turmoil, Kiva?” Julie wondered.

I can't tell my mama stopped taking my meds. My sister; the only person I could talk to moved to new york and I was still in like a second puberty. Then I was almost raped when I was walking.” Kiva explained.

She told Julie her whole story up until the night at the party they were at. As they sat n the bed, Julie hugged her. Kiva said how her medication left her with a side effect of altering her body partly instead of only one way or another.

Wait. You have been whoring yourself?” Julie asked.

I know, its bad. I won't lie, I needed the money- I need the money. I wanted to fix up my moped and have money left over.” Kiva cried.

You hafta stop that. It's not safe. I know you can fight but, still.” Julie exclaimed.

I know. It always seems like a good idea till it's over and I don't feel that great.” Kiva cried.

Get a job.” Julie said.

A job? I do have money saved, I really don't need to spend...” Kiva murmured.

Dry your eye's and calm down,” said Julie handing her a tissue. “Just promise me you'll stop doing that.”

I said I would stop after my moped is fixed up, but I promise I'll try very hard to stop.” Kiva stated.

So far, you've been great. Please don't throw your life away. I want to have another great friend. I can't be friends with you if you're dead or whatever.” Julie explained.

I'm gonna try and stop. I promise. I fuckin swear it.” Kiva said.

Why don't we go down stairs, I have a feeling my dad has been tinkering with your moped.” Julie said.

As they walked downstairs, Tanya looked with utter confusion, trying to figure out where this girl came from.

Where did Jax go? Who are you?” Tanya asked.

Shit, dude you forgot to change back.” Julie laughed.

So, Your like Julie?” Tanya asked.

Well, no use lying. I'm a ninja, well half ninja and disguised myself as their shadows when they walked by.” Kiva claimed.
Yes, he's a zerophiliac. I found out last night at the goth night when he got hit with a guitar.” Julie explained.

I think David is working on something in the garage.” Tanya said.

See, I told you he'd do something to it. Let's go see.” Julie said.

What did your daddy do to my moped?” asked Kiva walking around back.

Who knows.” Julie replied.

Hey, girls! Where's your friend Jax?” David asked.

Hi, I'm Kiva. What have you done to my Momentum?” Kiva greeted.

Uh, I thought this was that one boys bike, Julie.” David asked.

It is, it's hers too.” Julie replied.

Where were you this whole time?” David wondered.

I...was here.” Kiva replied.

They look at each other and burst out laughing.

Did I miss something?” David asked.

Dad, that's Jax!” Julie laughed.

Hmmm. Oh! So you're a zerophiliac?” David exclaimed.

Yeah, so let's see what you did.” Kiva said.

I thought Julie was the only one in the city, that's awesome. So I converted it a single swing arm with a built in CVT transmission.” David explained.

A CVT? It already had a two speed manumatic...” Kiva said.

I know. You now have a two speed transmission backed by a CVT. Makes it faster. It'll go longer before you would need to shift, making it faster.” David explained.

Uh, I mean, how can I pay you back?” Kiva wondered.

Nothing. Friend of Julie's is a friend of mine. Just don't wreck it.” David laughed.

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