Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Zerophilia: Lost

This girl is fucking up everything. Kiva loves her, I love her. I can't fuck up both of our lives. Time and time again I figure this wasn’t the best. But I feel like one person now, myself. It's even worse because she's a lesbian. I swear I'd stay a chick for her. I guess I could wait for her, which is all I could do-can do. What I need to do is get on that messageboard. As soon as I finish this bike. I'm building my urban assault bike. I guess you could say it's a non-powered version of my Kinetic TFR. I feel like I can do anything, why limit myself to her? As a boy I like girls and boys and as a girl I like boys and girls, I mean it's like my options have increased two fold than a regular bisexual.

I finish putting on a set of street tires and get on the computer. So finally back to the board. Let's see, got a few responses to my shit I started. Of coarse I go by Jax, I'm a boy dammit. Welcome...FAQ...enjoy...blah, blah. 'Thanks, I didn't even know this was hiding in plain sight.' Fuck it, I'll read the FAQ. Hmmm...

• Welcome to Zerohilia forums, yes it's(as if you didn't know) disguised as a fan board for the movie, which leads us to number one in the FAQ: No you will not stay one sex if you have sex with another Zerophiliac. Unless you choose to. Don't let yourself believe that arousal is the only way to change, cause then it will be want to. Say good bye sex life if you do that.

• We are here to help. We try to keep the FAQ as broad as we can because still there's not much known about ourselves so let's just chock this FAQ up to combined experiences and little knowledge, okay? If you notice there's many old revived topics and few new ones. We don't mind starting new threads but if it's something already here, just add to it.

• If you manage to meet another Zerophiliac, let them know about this site. I wouldn’t expect you to do this often, we usually try to keep it as secret as possible, yes I know you need to register wih the government and the like but it actually helps-it's confusing. It's akin to finding the end of the rainbow to have one come out.

• Sex life will be harder than you think, for the most part. Especially if you are not the normal you trying to date. All we can do is try and help and wish you luck. Please though limit how many people you come out to(try very hard to limit to 0) Even the most trustworthy people can crack. I've left two states cause of it, trust me on this.

• I'm sure there's lots of questions to be asked about control. Thanks to a known Phyciatrist known as Dr. Mofedi, there is a medication that halts the ability. It is not known how much damage it can cause mentally but there happened to be a mother somewhere a long ways back who's child developed at a young age, the ability and he/she is the reason why it exist. Hopefully one day we'll meet. In all honesty you don't need to use the ability, ever after it starts to manefest it'l always be there waiting. There are Zerophiliacs that go years without switching.

There goes my phone ringing. "Hello?" Said Jax.

"So, I've been thinking and I need to see you. I need to come over your house. That way we can talk and I can get my Mystic Spiral CD back." Said Nikki.

"I really miss you, just come on, my mama's at work. Hurry up." Said Jax with a bit of nervous relief.

"Okay read this later, time to really introduce myself on here." Said Jax clicking back to his introduction thread.

Okay, I was reading the faq and that’s me your talking about. I like stopped taking that medication weeks ago. I always thought it was like Ritalin or something. I knew nothing about this shit tillI started looking for answers and had like a second puberty, which was hell. Not only was it painful shift but it was a new look on women. If it wasn't for my martial arts training I would've gotten raped, I had to register myself with another id and social security card.

I'm only fourteen, this is way too much. The only half decent thing was I found a girlfriend till my dick came out in the middle of sex because I was finally off my period/puberty thing.I know I have questions but I'm sure you guys'll have some for me, LOL. I know it may be hard o believe but right now I need somewhere to belong and I had to bribe Mofedi's secutary to let me see him-his most prized work couldn't see the man who discovered him. Most of what I know, I learned from him and he really doesn't know that much.

"Now to wait for a response. and wait for Nikki." Said Jax.

Well, time for porn I guess. I check out some midget porn and some of that rule 34. What a good nut. A good ten, twenty minute process. Been a while since I fuckin jacked off my dick. Fuck if I don't miss my dick. I would go somewhere but I gotta wait for her. Might as well get on craigslist and set something up. God damn if I'm not overly horny lately. Shit a few more of these and I can get a flat screen or something. Sexy Tgirl wants to service you...

What is it about this guy? I've never heard about this disease of his. I did say I can handle weird shit but damn. "Hey! It's a fuckin scooter, right here!" Yelled Nikki. God, the nerve of some people. I really was loving Kiva and I guess I could love him, I mean they are the same. I just don't like boys. Sigh... BEEEEP, BEEEP!!!!! "Get off the fuckin phone you dipshit!" I really haven't been feeling right, ever since that day. Shit I'm a lesbian to the end, I just feel like I did him wrong...

Let's hope I get me some customers. Lookin foward to it. That must be Nikki. Time to change.

Jax changes to Kiva and answers the door.

"Hey, Nikki." Said Kiva, depressedly.

"I wanted to tell you how I felt. I love Kiva. I felt a serious connection. But it's like you were faking. I felt like you was just pretending." Said Kiva.

"We probably wouldn't have ever met if I stayed on the medication or was not going through some sort of puberty and was stuck. I'm sorry but there's like no way to really tell somebody I can swap sexes at whim." Explained Jax.

"Can you...can you turn to Jax. As hot as you are all tomboyed out, I'd rather talk to the real you." Asked Kiva.

"Aieght, I wish I could say that I don't really have a true form but yeah, Jax is my real form." Said Kiva to Jax. "I guess you could say..."

"I really love you. I love you and that makes it hard. I'm gay, I don't like boys, but I would hafta love both of you. I feel like I can't do that. I feel like I couldn't love Jax as much as I love Kiva despite you being literally the same person. But I love you as a whole. You said this was new to you. So I'm sorry. I don't know." Nikki exclaimed.

"I wish I was just Kiva, I could just be Kiva. Then it wouldn't be as bad." Said Jax.

"Ah dunno, you are bisexual. Bi's, atleast the ones I been with have usually been greedy. Like won't really settle for one sex. I'm sure you was dedicated to me. I can feel it." Said Nikki.

"I was only with you. I didn't want to fuck it up. I didn't know it was happening, I would've stopped it. OR I wouldn't have had sex with you that time. I don't know. Maybe if we weren't fuckin when it happened. Then it wouldn't have been as bad. I tried to tell you that one night, if I did, I'm sure you woulda thought I just ment I felt like a boy. I was stuck like that. I couldn't have given you proof. I'm sorry." Jax sadly spoke.

"I know, I understand. Well I understand how you feel. I felt safe with you." Said Nikki.

"I got a big dose of what it was like to be a woman. I liked it, it changed my relationship with my sister. An the experience of dating another woman was it. That was like, I don't know. Just felt real good and my personality a far as what has to do with being a boy started to drift over and as I changed back all that feminine stuff drifted over. Taking my slightly different personalities and making one. I still have all the same feelings for you. Said Jax.

"I don't want you to be forced to be a girl to keep me happy as long as we date." Explained Nikki.

"I don't care. I AM a girl. At least as much as I am boy. I still want to experience more of that world, ever since I feel like it's a part of me." Said Jax tearing up. "I was almost raped, I've been hit on, I was depressed and horny and wanted money, so I let some guy fuck my ass. I was on my period for the first like week and a half and was lost about it till I talked to my sister when I remembered I needed tampon's. The night I first changed, I cried myself to sleep, it hurt me soo much." Cried Jax starting to change.

"I can understand some of that. Why did you change?" Asked Nikki.

"I don't know. It just feels good." Cried Kiva. "I'm sorry.

"So, I didn't think your emotions controlled it. Boy was that movie way off." Said Nikki.

"They(sniff) don't con(sniff)trol it." Kiva mumbled.

"You really love me don't you?" Wondered Nikki.

"Out of all that shit tha(sniff) happened to me, you were the best. (sniff sniff) I might be a tad naive because you were my first but(sniff) You were the best thing to happen to me. This me. I hurt you pretty bad, my fault. I shoulda just stayed on the medication. You woulda never met me. We would be fine." Cries Kiva.

They look at each other.

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