Zerophilia: New Light

I finally finished Book 1 of Zerophilia! Yay me. I still hope to get this published. And with that you know there'll be more edits and additional things to make each chapter a true book chapter. Now I can peacefully finish my other writing projects and get them to at least enough ahead to start on Book 2

  “You really don't have a problem with me?” Stella asked.

“Why would I have a problem?” Jax asked.

“Well, my appearance?” Stella stated.

“No I told you. I'm the guy, that can be a girl at a whim. If anything, I'm the bigger freak. You just seem androgynous. It's like, it would be wrong for me to play you off as a girl. That's like some in-the-closet type shit. I thought you were a beautiful girl, then I found out you were a guy. It's really enticing. There's no words for how I feel. To have a boyfriend so dedicated.” Jax explained.

“Boyfriend? I thought we were just friends or something?” Stella asked.

“I want you to be my boyfriend. I was attracted to you as a girl, but I fell for you when I found out you wasn't.” Jax explained.

“You sure, you want to do that? “ Stella asked confusedly.

“Yeah, Stella. Even if I hafta prove to you that it's you and not your appearance. I swear to god, how you carry on your mama's memory is awesome, how you dress like her and carry your self. Of all the people that I've met in my life, you are the purest. Even I'm no great person.” Jax said.

“You helped me. You can't be that bad. You accept me for me. How bad are you?” Stella questioned.

“I will tell you after I come out of the store. More like when we get somewhere to sit.” Said Jax as he approached the store on the corner of fourth and Lugnut.

A moment later he walks out with a small black bag. Stella meets him half way as he walks back to his moped. He wraps his arms around Jax and kisses him. A long slow kiss.

“Stella...” Jax started.

“I had to think of what could happen with us. You are adamant on how you want to live your life. I am not going to stop how I live. I don't mind hanging out with Kiva, you don't have to stay one way or another. If you are positive on how you want to live, I can't help but grow to love you. The choices we make are hard. We aren't normal.” Stella explained.

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Jax asked.

“I do. I want to be friends first. See where we go.” Stella agreed.

Where should we go from here, asked Jax.

“I just thought I told you.” Stella answered.

“I don't mean emotionally through our relationship. I mean in a traverse-the-city-to-a-destination, where should we go.” Jax stated.

How about your house? I mean, you've seen mine, suggested Stella.

“I guess. Just don't say anything about me and my lil disorder. She doesn't have the slightest clue I don't take my meds. She doesn't know I'm bi either.” Jax explained.

“I thought you weren't in the closet?” Stella asked.

“I'm not. She's just the only person I figure doesn't need to know, especially after as a kid I hated the queer lifestyle.” Jax responded.

“You know, at some point, you'll hafta tell her.” Stella said.

“My home life is somewhat easy-going. She can find out when I'm on my own,” said Jax, starting the moped. “Off we go!”

“Pretty much told you about me, what about you?” Stella asked.

“Well the basic boy stuff. Cars, collecting things, I guess. I like porn and after my rebirth, my personality went askew. Extra hormones bombarded my body, new feelings and other bullshit. So I really like going to the mall and shopping. I like those girly manga, like Fruits Baskets. Now that I say it out loud, it sounds stereotypically corny and whatever. I spent a good amount of time in the drivers seat of the opposite sex, I started doing things, going against instincts.” Jax said.

“I know how that is. I was never like a rough, tough guy. My dad tried and sometimes still does to make me a real man. He always made me work on his cars with him and do yard work. It got worse when my mom died. After a while, I started to live her life through mine. Or something. Everybody thinks I'm crazy. Okay, it is crazy. It helped me get over it, I just like being a woman. I can rebuild a carb or somewhat tune an EFI system and I could care less.” Stella spoke.

“So what's with the guitar? How do you pull those riffs like an electric?” Jax asked.

“My mom taught me, I hope to start a band one day.” Stella said.

They pull up in the backyard. As Jax locks the gate, Stella states, “You don't live far from downtown.”

“My mama's still at work so we can just head straight to my lair,” said Jax.

Jax unlocks the padlock to the basement, Stella stands in the darkness as he walks over and turns on the light. Looking around at the set up. Jax smiles as he watches him look around.

“Dude, this is awesome. This is like the Bat-cave or something.” Stella exclaims.

“Me and my uncle did a lot of work. There's sound proofing everywhere and I have closets for Kiva's clothes and a finished bathroom. So, Stella, no one can hear you scream.” Jax said.

“Ha ha,” laughed Stella sarcastically.

“Can I have a kiss, Stella?” Jax asked.

“What makes you a bad boy?” Stella asked.

“So far, only two things have been remotely good, so through my strife, I hope you stay here.” Jax started.

“Just, get it out, Jax.” Stella said.

“Okay, when I needed more money, I pretty much whored myself. I've been nearly beat up twice and managed to knock them out and rob them. I talked to a friend of mine and she said I should stop. I've applied for a job, I have enough money saved to I guess break even with the crappy hours and paycheck.” Jax explained.

“That doesn't make you a bad person-it makes you a slut. Well, sluts are bad people too... anyway I'm not going to associate myself with people who do that.” Stella said.

“That's been my ongoing luck. I've pretty much lost my sister who was helping me when this all started. My first girlfriend, whom I had to be a girl to get, left me after whatever twisted period slash puberty ended, that I had. The one good person in my life, my friends is doing weird things to me. I'm tired. I'm going to leave this town and start over,” Jax said tearing up. “I meet you and through my past actions, shooed you away.”

“Jax, Jax, no. Baby, no. Keep what you are doing. You're not shooing me away. I think you try and do good. I think that you are going at this alone and found more needs. I struggle. You think my dad likes this? He always tries to throw my clothes away. Throw away my make up. The school board won't let me be me. Just do like you promised.” Stella said before he leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

“Please, don't play with me. I'm at fucking wits end, with this shit.” Jax stated.

“I'm not going to leave you. I need to ask about your friend, what did they do?” Stella wondered.

“She felt and played in my crotch while we were ridding my bike. Wanted to feel me change down there. I didn't know what to do. She claims to not have a crush on me, that we are friends. I asked if she wanted to see it and she was like hell naw. She said something about how she doesn't care for sex but wants to have sex and something about caressing my body. I just found an excuse to drop her off. She kissed me goodbye. I don't know.” Jax said.

“Talk to her. Ask her why is she a nutcase. Maybe there is something there you don't see.” Stella offered.

“She said we were just friends. And so far it was awesome, she kinda helped me after the fight that broke out in the club and I was knocked out. If there was something, I don't want to go making that choice between you and her. I'll stay alone before I hafta pick.” Jax said.

“Maybe she just wants to try something and wants to see what happens. Who knows.” Stella replied.

“I think I'll ask her friends about it first.” Jax stated.

“Well, I know what I want to do...” started Stella.

“A lil girl on girl action?” Jax said changing to Kiva.

Stella burst out laughing.

“Now I know, you are not laughing at me,” said Kiva snapping her fingers. “I am sexy!”

“Yeah, you are. Sorry, it was funny. Ooo, why don't I give you a make over! I mean instead of dressing in black all the time, why don't we go buy you some other clothes and some make up and...” Stella started.

“I don't always dress goth. I have other clothes. I don't wear make up, I never thought of myself as that girly. I mean I am still a guy.” Kiva said.

“I guess you can still look girly and still be one of the guys. But to find out we gotta go to the mall.” Stella instructed.

“Shit, let's go. After I change clothes.” Kiva said.

She walked over to one of the closets and picked out a pair of capri's. Stella walked over and grabbed a mini-skirt with a flower print and an orange spaghetti strap. He looked at her shoes and grabbed a pair of black converse chucks. He walked over to her dresser and tossed her the bracelet. Stella sat as she changed clothes. She dropped her boxers and grabbed a pair of boy-shorts, Stella has seen a glance at Kiva's vagina as she changed clothes as if he wasn't there. Stella got up and pulled Kiva's hair up in a pony-tail.

“That is the first time, I've ever seen a vagina!” Stella said like a anxious school girl.

“And you want to dive right in it. Sorry, we're friends.” Kiva said.

“Uhh...ewww!” Stella replied.

“Oh so that wasn't funny...okay, now that you're done dressing me up like a doll, are you ready to go? Kiva asked.

“Actually it was fun dressing you up. Kiva can be my dress up doll.” Stella joked.

“Now that's creepy.” Kiva stated.

“Hey, I gotta find a use for you.” Stella laughed.

“Don't make me hurt you. Let's go.” Kiva said.

As they walk in the mall, Kiva ask; “Why are we here again?”

“So we can make a woman out of you.” Stella said.

“You have money?” Kiva asked.

“Yeah, my mom left me money. Whatever she did as a guy, got her a lot of money. I don't like to use it, but when someone is throwing away most of your clothes...” Stella said.

“I thought we were just gonna hang?” Kiva asked.

“I told you, I was going to get you some makeup and I need some panties. He threw all mine away. Do you know what these jeans can do to your privates without that barrier?” Stella said.

“Sorry, I don't. Where are we going?” Kiva asked.

“To Lazarus, to get you some makeup,” Stella said pulling her in the store.

“But, I don't want to mommy!” Kiva yelled.

“What is wrong with you?” Stella asked.

“I don't know. In a good mood I guess.” Kiva replied.

“Okay, I'm going to match up with what you are wearing. Sit there and look pretty,” Stella instructs as he collects a few products.

Stella walks back over with foundation, lipstick, eyeliner pencils, et cetera. He applies a light foundation, and picks two eyeliner pencils.

“Why are you doing this for me?” Kiva asked.

“It's fun. It's something we can do.” Stella said.

“We've got a lot to learn about each other.” Kiva said.

“Be still,” said Stella as he started the eyeliner. Starting with black eyeliner, carrying the lines to a point almost like cat-eye's or anime eye's. Following that with a small amount of tangerine eye shadow. Just enough to see it there. Then he applied some burnt orange lipstick.

“What do you think?” Stella asked.

“Wow. Stella...I...thank you.” Kiva mustered.

“I tried. I'm happy you like it.” Stella said.

“So, like now what?” Kiva asked.

“We shop!” Stella said.

“Don't forget, we did come here on a bare bones moped.” Kiva said.

So, after they consolidated everything they bought in to three backpacks they bought at Journey. They went to eat and not to far away was Julie and her friends.

“Hey, Stella. There's my friend Julie over there.” Kiva said.

“The nutcase?” Stella asked.

“Stop it.” Kiva said.

Kiva waved at her. Frankie pointed and said something, allowing Julie to lower her head and stare real hard before walking over.

“Do I know you?” Julie asked with concern.

“You don't recognize me at all, Julie?” Kiva asked.

“No. Who are you girls?” Julies asked.

“Kiva!” Kiva yelled.

Julies face lit up, “Kiva?! Girl I didn't even know that was you! You look good.”

“Thanks. Stella did it to me. Oh, this is my friend Stella.” Kiva said.

“Stella, nice to meet you. I'm Julie and that's Frankie and Samantha over there. It was only a few hours ago, you were all goth. Now you're like, ah dunno a prissy hipster or something.” Julie said.

“I'm still goth, you loon.” Kiva laughed.

“So, is this what you went home for?” Julie asked.

“Not really. We kinda fell in to each other. I was on my way home and went through Stillwall. Ended up fighting these guys for Stella.” Kiva said.

“Yeah, they were gonna break my guitar and beat me up. Then he came and it was awesome.” Stella said.

“I know right, I saw him fight three guys right here in the food court. He kicked ass!” Julie said.

“Need more soda, hold on.” Kiva said walking off.

“Julie, I gotta ask you something.” Stella said.

“Yeah, anything.” Julie said.

“You kinda weirded him out. Why did you mess with him earlier?” Stella asked.

“He told you that?” Julie asked. “I don't know why. I couldn't help myself. What else did he say?”

“Not much. He was looking for advice, I guess.” Stella said.

“I've had that on my mind all day.” Julie said.

“He wants to get to know me better, so I can be his boyfriend. If you like him or something, please tell him. I don't want anymore pain in his life. I wouldn't mind having friends either.” Stella explained.

“You're not a girl?” Julie asked.

“No. I guess you could say I'm the poster child for a mama's boy. When she died, I started to live my life like her and it helped me some what get over her death. My dad hates it.” Stella explained.

“That's sweet. It's like the best tribute I've ever heard of. There's something about you, I don't know what it is though.” Julie said.

“Yeah, he said the same thing.” Stella said.

At the other table, Kiva is chatting up with Sam and Frankie.

“So, earlier today I went over Julies house and we went for a ride on my moped and was like feelin me up. Any insight on that?” Kiva asked.

“Wow. Dude. She claims not to like you so...” Sam started.

“I know. It's not like she's never seen a zerophiliac before or know how we work.” Kiva said.

“She sometimes has a weird way of expressing herself, dude.” Frankie said.

“Yeah but it was like she wanted to feel on me and out of utter confusion I asked if she wanted to see and she blew it off. She kissed me and told me how she wanted my body” Kiva said.

“She did me like that and I told her if we're just friends, then don't.” Sam replied.

“She might like you, talk to her.” Frankie said.

“My life has turned around. All this; friends, womanhood, love life, is new.” Kiva stated.

“Kiva, you look good. I've yet to see you in anything but black.” Frankie said.

“Sexy. Damn sexy.” Sam said.

“Yeah, Stella gave me a make over.” Kiva replied.

“You look beautiful. Really.” Sam said.

“That's got to be the most positive thing I've heard you say.” Kiva laughed.

“So, are you two gonna be an item or what?” Julie asked as her and Stella walked up.

“I don't know. We just met.” Stella said.

“Hey, if you two don't want her, I do.” Sam said.

“Stop being a slutty goth!” Julie laughed.

“I think we can work, I hope.” Kiva said.

“As long as he doesn't take you away from the dark side,” laughed Julie, giving Kiva a hug.

“You think we can work?” Kiva asked.

“All we can do is try.” Stella said.